Wolverines!

I watched Red Dawn (2012) last night.


First of all, I should preface this review by saying that Red Dawn (1984) was a really good movie, and one of my personal favorites (maybe top 25 ever for me???).  That one (if you dont know, but who in the Hell hasnt seen the original Red Dawn?????) is about the Soviet Union and Cuba invading the US.  A cast that included Patrick Swayze, Charlie Sheen, C Thomas Howell, Jennifer Grey, Lea Thompson, and Powers Boothe carried a movie that was a scary point in the world's history.  At the time, I was 11, and the Cold War was on the verge of turning into WW3 (and thank God that I didnt realize how close we were to a nuclear war breaking out!!!).

On to the review, RD2012 is very similar in a lot of ways to its predecessor.  North Korea has invaded the US (and possibly Russia and China?????), and a group of mostly high school students band together to fight back against the invaders.  There are great nods to the original, most notably, the "ambush", the deer hunting scene, the 'traitor' storyline, and obviously, 'WOLVERINES!'

Chris 'Papa Kirk' Hemsworth I thought did a good job of reprising Swayze's roll as Jed Eckert, the mid 20 something 'leader' of the group.  Ive liked him ever since his role as James T Kirk's father, and he has done a great job as Thor over several movies.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan shows up at the end to reprise the role of Powers Boothe's 'Tanner'.  Boothe played a downed fighter pilot.  JD Morgan shows up with a couple extra guys as 'marines', looking for the Wolverines.  I like Morgan, but he really isnt in this one much (and he doesnt die a dramatic death like Powers Boothe does!!!!)

But that is where the fun stops.

With the exception of Hemsworth (and even him sometimes too), the acting is just atrocious.  The kid that plays 'Matty', Jed's brother is a whiney little bitch (as opposed to Charlie Sheen's Matty, who was a tough kid, learning to grow up in the middle of a war).  Over the course of the movie, the fact that Matty isnt a team player is jammed down our throats about 10 times, up until when he ends up getting someone killed.  Then, duh, it dawns (see what I did there?) on Matty that maybe he isnt a team player and should do something about it.

The rest of the supporting cast, including Josh Hutcherson (how this kid made it in acting I will never know), Adrianne Palicki, Tom Cruise's son, and some other peeps I have never heard of before, are just terrible.  In the original movie, you really feel for the supporting cast, and it hurts as the war takes its toll on each member.  In this version, I just didnt care, and frankly, they all could have been killed off within the first 10 minutes, and that would have been fine with me.

The storyline is totally unrealistic, and is currently logistically impossible.  The North Koreans dont have any way to get troops to the United States.  Even if the Russians were to help out (which its hinted out throughout the movie), they couldnt do it either!!!!  The man who plays the North Korean (and, hey, his name is 'Cho' - how many damn movies and TV shows where there are Asians have you seen characters named Cho??????) I dont think he says one word throughout the entire movie, and you do not feel any sympathy for him.  Remember the Cuban general in the first one????  You almost felt sorry for the guy, and you are made to feel that he is just doing his duty.  Not so with Mr 'Cho' - live, die, win, lose, who cares?

All of a sudden, about midway through, once JD Morgan shows up, the Wolverines go on a mission to get some briefcase that is some kind of EMP weapon????  I dont know what the Hell that is all about, but the last 30 minutes or so is basically a battle over a brief case.

Finally, for a military movie, they couldnt be bothered to get gear and equipment correct!  Most people reading this far on this blog will be military buffs anyway, and I wont bore you with details, but the one thing that really got my goat was that the producers had the nerve NAY, THE AUDACITY(!) to try to push off a God damned Abrams tank as a North Korean tank!!!!  WTF!!!!  The scene with the tank is done in such a way with smoke and clever techniques to try to hide it, but it just isnt right.  The original Red Dawn, even during the Cold War, somehow managed to come up with some Soviet AFVs, some T72 tanks, and even a Shilka.  I guess the producers knew this was going to be a steaming pile of a movie, and they didnt want to make costs any higher than they needed to be.  Oh yeah, the North Korean army somehow manages to drive around the entire movie in three green hummers...but I wont go into that any deeper!!!!

I wanted to give this one just one Raptor's Claw, but I think im going for two out of four Raptor's Claws, based on Chris Hemsworth's acting, and the nice 'reboot' of several iconic Red Dawn scenes.